Entry 16: Concetta's Dowry - A Dota da Cuncia

Location: Calabria, Italy

Date: 15 May 1911 (Cuncia's birth) to 5 October 1933 ('Primu Lettu')

Cuncia (Concetta) Trimboli was aware of the young man who lived nearby. She often caught glimpses of him from a distance and enjoyed secretly watching him whenever he strolled through the countryside. Hidden out of sight, she never dared to step out and openly wave. Flirting was not an acceptable behaviour her mother Angela would have approved of! Yet somehow, Cuncia managed to attract this man’s attention from afar, because eventually her father Peppe received a marriage proposal for his daughter.

In terms of arranged marriages, the couple were fortunate their union was approved by both the father and father-in-law, but more importantly, the couple genuinely liked each other; this was an excellent start to their relationship. After negotiations of a ‘dota’ (dowry) were discussed between the fathers and an agreement reached, the good news of the engagement spread quickly across the neighbouring districts and soon everyone knew that ‘a Cuncia du mulinaru si fici zzita cu Sarvu Moschilla.’

Cuncia (Concetta) Trimboli and Sarvu (Salvatore) Moschilla

The preparation of Cuncia’s ‘dota’, began shortly after her birth. As the youngest daughter, this was the final dowry her parents were obliged to provide according to a custom more firmly established than the roots of the most ancient olive tree. Peppe organised a carpenter to build a ‘cascia’ (glory box) from walnut wood, and over the years, Angela made and accumulated ‘biancheria’ - storing the linen safely in the ‘cascia’ ready for the day Cuncia married. By the time she got engaged to Sarvu, twenty two years later, it contained everything practical and necessary for a bride when she moved out of home, including:

• tea towels - sarvetti

• bath towels – tuvagghi i bagniu

• blankets - cuverti

• bedspreads – copriletti

• bed sheets - lanzoli

• pillowcases – foderi di coscini

Also, neatly folded among these household products were brand new personal items for Cuncia to wear:

• bras – rigipetti

• other undergarments – suttavesti

• nighties – cammisi i notti

In addition, Peppe generously included in the ‘dota’ a small parcel of land he had purchased at Contrada Monaco No. 8 – located within 400 metres of his own home. On this land, a stone cottage with a terracotta roof was built specifically for the couple, consisting of one bedroom, a kitchen equipped with a 'focularu' (hearth for cooking) and a small storeroom. There was no electricity, no plumbing for tap water and no bathroom, yet this house was luxurious and quite substantial within a Calabrian community where the usual dowry inclusions involved a goat, a piglet or a sheep. The couple was once again very fortunate, this time in terms of accommodation, to have their own house to move into after their marriage.

On 5 October 1933, seven days before Cuncia and Sarvu’s wedding, a historical ritual known as ‘Primu Lettu’ took place in the bedroom of the cottage – but neither were allowed to attend. Translated to ‘First Bed’, this was a strictly "females only" event involving the immaculate preparation of the marital bed using the finest ‘biancheria’ that had been stored in the ‘cascia’. The assembled team of mothers, sisters, nieces, cousins and in-laws were responsible for decorating the bed in a way that would be memorable for the newlywed’s first night together. A huge fuss was made: the sheets were tucked neatly under the mattress; the pillows were fluffed up and enclosed in fresh, crisp pillowcases before being thoughtfully positioned at the head of the bed; the bedspread was adjusted, then readjusted until it hung evenly on all sides.

As a finishing touch, Cuncia’s female relatives added a hint of romance into the bedroom décor; inspiring me to weave a bit of fantasy into this story …

The male controlled system of arranged marriages unknowingly banished Cupid and his senseless notions of romantic love into shadows so dark that he became dormant and fell into a deep sleep. However, the Trimboli women ensured his exile was never going to be permanent. Every time the symbol of a heart was embroidered onto a section of fabric or crafted with a crochet hook, their actions gently nudged Cupid, and stirred his awakening. On the day of Cuncia's 'Primu Lettu', the women created a love heart on top of the bedspread using white, sugar-coated almonds – it was symmetrical in shape and centred in prime position, in the middle of the bed. This gesture of hope for passion and desire, jolted Cupid from his hibernation, finally setting him free from all the gloom. Armed with bow and golden arrows, he flew towards the cottage, ready to inflict wounds of love when Cuncia and Sarvu entered the bedroom together as wife and husband … in one week’s time.

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EXTRA INFORMATION 1

The original ‘biancheria’ selected for Cuncia’s ‘Primu Lettu’ over ninety years ago still survives today. The most remarkable aspect isn’t the age of the sheets and bedspread but their origin – they were purchased from a store and given preference over homemade bedding. Were the group of Calabrese women aware of the subtle shift this choice represented? On that day in 1933, consumer influences of the modern world had quietly made an appearance - bringing with them, an expanded awareness of new and exotic places. Beautifully reflected in the sheen of the damask bedspread, the reclining Japanese woman wearing a traditional kimono, found a welcoming place to rest in rural Siderno - on Cuncia and Sarvu’s marital bed.

'Primu Lettu' bedspread

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EXTRA INFORMATION 2

On 12 October 1983, in Australia, to celebrate her 50th wedding anniversary with Sarvu - Cuncia's daughters and daughter-in-laws remade her bed using the original ‘Primu Lettu biancheria.’ They also recreated a love heart in the middle of the bed, just like Cuncia remembered seeing it on the day of her wedding. However, this time, instead of white sugar-coated almonds, they used gold coloured ones to shape the heart – ‘confetti di oro.’